Recipe: It's (probably) good for you immuno drink

Ingredients

8 lemons (all the lemons you can fight for at Tesco), two hand size pieces of ginger, ¼ that amount of fresh turmeric, you can use the powdered stuff but fresher the better, and if you have a need to bring mucus up or want to have a fiery poo, throw in some cayenne pepper.

Cooking time: 45 minutes

After my culinary forays into Ensure and fusilli I though I'd bring some full on fuck you flu fun

Method

Buzzwords such as wellness, immunopositive and christhisisspicylemonjuice have been bandied around about this drink. Mainly by me. They may or may not be accurate buzzwords, but It does taste a lot like lemons.

This lemon (forewarned), ginger and turmeric drink could well be good for you. I’m not a doctor but I’m also not sick and enjoy conning myself that putting things in me makes for good health. I did ask a doctor about the science involved but he said he was busy and to stop wasting his time.

Full of stuff that’s probably beneficial to humans this drink can be taken as a shot or if you’re a pussy diluted in fizzy water, or hot water with honey, or apple juice. Personally I don’t step on my gear, but each to their own. I won’t lie, this is a sharp, tart drink that carries the awful power of something so intense it must be good for you. Like exercise.

You will need to juice the lemons. If you have a small cut on your hands this is where you will find that out. I have no idea whether your blood makes the drink vegan or not but I really hope it does exclude it so that vegans can miss out on more stuff by choice. Make sure it is fresh lemons. Strain the fresh lemons so that none of the seeds make little trees in your tum tum. Put this juice to one side in a saucepan.

Get the fresh ginger and turmeric and pour boiling water all over them. Do not attempt to pick them up right after, they will be hot. When not scalding, cut the roots (I think they’re roots) up smaller and put them in something you can use a blender in. Here comes my biggest warning.

Unless you are about to totally refit your kitchen or always wanted it splashed yellow and orange, be careful. Turmeric is potent. Given how slapdash this recipe is you might currently have yellow hands- you might also be thinking that you could read something through first before making it. If Mark Zuckerberg did recipes, you’d be more fucked than just yellow hands. Be grateful.

Once the well chopped (don’t peel them, that’s what the boiling wash is for) roots are in the reasonable receptacle pour a small amount of boiling water in with them. Not much at all; as if you’re adding milk to tea like a normal person. I’m aware Americans exist. They use milk like they use ice. This is another boil-cleansing but more it helps bring the best out of these inanimate objects. Like Quentin Tarrantino with Uma Thurman.

Use a blender with vigour on the turmeric and ginger then get something to wring the juice,preferably muslin, into the lemon juice. Again, make sure not to burn your hands and that what you use and everything near it doesn’t mind being yellow. I know we’re in isolation but some people don’t like the Simpsons.

I gently bring this mixture to the boil and then let it cool to be safe but if you’re dangerous don’t bother and direct message me. Before boiling you can then add some cayenne pepper if you want. I’ve heard loads of different opinions on what to add to make the most in way of absorbing the goodness, cayenne or black pepper, high class olive oil- but do what you want, I’m not claiming this is science but I’m not sick and I like that my hands are yellow.

Enjoy, be healthy and wash that out, it definitely will stain.