Laudus Himself

“Hello lovely.” A fellow “mature” philosophy student, Anna adored alliteration. Even, dare I say, found it sexy. Sorry I could only manage three words my dear. Fiercely intelligent, a fellow philosophy graduate from my Uni and a person who would, I hope, have liked this reflection, recently had a full stop on breathing. Anna loved dogs, much like Hitler. She’d a sense of humour too and would appreciate me making that comparison. Anna was bloody funny. Brave yet wayward, my pal was always passionate: boasting a son she couldn’t love more, but struggled with the realities of. He was an excellent kid last time I saw him, despite her motherly complaints. Anna’s dog died recently. Her ex died recently. These things take their toll, and I know she loved them both deeply. Her dog was amazing, I never met her ex but her love was unconditional and everlasting. We tended to speak and meet between partners and/or mental health troubles. That was our bond and I now regret it wasn’t firmer. Posthum

Ingredients 8 lemons (all the lemons you can fight for at Tesco), two hand size pieces of ginger, ¼ that amount of fresh turmeric, you can use the powdered stuff but fresher the better, and if you have a need to bring mucus up or want to have a fiery poo, throw in some cayenne pepper. Cooking time: 45 minutes After my culinary forays into Ensure and fusilli I though I'd bring some full on fuck you flu fun Method Buzzwords such as wellness,   immunopositive and christhisisspicylemonjuice have been bandied around about this drink. Mainly by me. They may or may not be accurate buzzwords, but It does taste a lot like lemons. This lemon (forewarned), ginger and turmeric drink could well be good for you. I’m not a doctor but I’m also not sick and enjoy conning myself that putting things in me makes for good health. I did ask a doctor about the science involved but he said he was busy and to stop wasting his time. Full of stuff that’s probably beneficial to humans

Apparently in my middle age* I’ve begun obsessively documenting everything like Kevin Spacey in Seven. I’m not a serial killer though. Yes I have the time for it (or else why would I be writing this), I just don’t have the inclination or nerve. I imagine driving round with three dead bodies in your boot is kind of nervy. Why three you ask? More fun than two. I imagine. With three bodies in the car though you better hope you paid the congestion charge. Also I don’t drive, so those bodies would be hard to shift. Plus there’s the whole alibi thing. The practicalities of serial killing really are a pain in the arse. I imagine. Where podcasts largely tell you about crime, documentaries are much more emotive. True crime docs are diverse and differ in approach and style. Some are 90 minutes, some are 10 episodes. This list doesn’t exclude based on format, it is limited to what I’ve seen, liked and want to recommend- I’ve tried to mix the list up a bit. The word Netflix crops up a l

  “What is all this missing person shit? I don’t want missing, I want bodies!” Did you know that crime happens in every country, everywhere, all the time? It’s unbelievable really. Fascinating, though. I am hooked on every aspect of true crime and have been since before my teens. This is part one of a series. Hooked on true crime books and hooked on true crime documentaries posts are bubbling in the background like fetid flesh in a Florida field. I work in a kitchen. I work in a kitchen on my own. It’s not an interesting fact but it is relevant to this list. When you’re doing seven, eight hours chopping stuff up with no one to talk to because everything you work with is already dead, you need something to pass the time. Yes there’s TalkSport, yes there’s Taxi Cab Racist Radio or whatever it’s called, but if I’m going to hear voices in my head all day they need to be talking about other people murdering other people. Is it distasteful to listen to accounts of real people’s c

Fusilli with Sausage meat, Fennel, Chilli and White Wine Feeds four Ingredients: 500g Fusilli pasta, 4 quality sausages, fresh fennel, fennel seeds, chilli flakes, bottle of white wine, one onion, three garlic cloves, fresh parsley, a lemon, chicken stock.  Cooking time: 1 ½ hours Method: Let me start by saying I hate recipes. As openers to a recipe go, I realise that's hardly selling it. If you stick rigidly to this, great, if it doesn't get you engorged, feel free to windmill with it. I first ate this at my friend's house; I can't remember where he got the recipe from but it was ten years ago and over time it has metamorphosed into this. Initially it was a quick fix - one of those do-it-in-30 minutes jobs. Well, I have time on my hands and I enjoy cooking, so I stretched it out. In my opinion it benefits the dish. To begin, make sure the white wine is cold. It doesn't help the recipe but nobody except tramps and students like warm white wine. Pour

“Food for special medical purposes.  For the dietary management of patients with, or at risk of developing, disease-related malnutrition. For oral use.” Disclaimer: For all my flippancy and pissing around making jokes in this piece, Ensure do exist for a reason and there is no doubt their medical purpose has helped my Grandad- and many more. I certainly don’t intend anything other than a lighthearted look at a dark subject here. As well as an obscure review. Plus my Grandad has a sense of humour. First up, let’s address the fact that they had to state Ensure is for oral use. I’d hate to be the terminally ill person who found that out after an Ensure enema. "I can't taste the strawberry". I’d never heard of Ensure before. I guess word of mouth doesn’t count for much when you exclusively sell to the dying. They’re essentially palliative care milkshakes, liquid calorie intake for those unable to consume solids but in need of sustenance. A depressing enough sit