Laudus Himself

I'm not in a crisis. Yes you are. You tried to die. Introduction A very good friend used to refer to pretty much everyone with mental health or sanity issues as “nut nuts”. I am sure he meant it affectionately and knowingly, as he fit his own criteria. He was more self aware than he cared to admit. I will use his term in places throughout; please don't be offended by it. I'd ask him to clarify, but he's dead. That has a lot to do with this too. Nut nut. Never thought it'd be me but it is, by a lot more people's definition than I am really very happy about. Even if they don't use the same phrase as Matty . I am not going to go into every specific detail of my experience as some of that is private to me. Not all, though. Please remember that this is something I am still dealing with and remains very raw. A lifetime of confusion thrown into a month in a mental health ward and spat out the back end to where I am now.  I can not offer you the sa...

“Fill this with beer, and I will give you money” Those words will forever be my reminder. I can't write a raised eyebrow. An arched, sardonic, eyebrow twisted to one side of the face, condensing the other to a slit. The wry look at you as the oculus expresses the hidden humour, the knowing joy behind the presented cynicism. The corner of the mouth twitches, unable to quite contain it. Ok it turns out I can, roughly, but it's still not as good as he did it. Five years ago my beloved, funny, rambunctious and as or more flawed than me, friend finally died after cancer weaved its wicked web of pain and misery through him. Through him and worse, back into the living. The insidious little shit that is cancer, like the bully it should be called, continued to create conflict when we thought the worst was done. Matt spiralled into the unknown in a way that was so banal it'll tear you open. A man of his charisma, his jollity, slowly, painfully and worst, robbed of his p...

Exam Question 1.1. LAS VEGAS IS A HELL OF A  PLACE [OF HELL]: DISCUSS Las Vegas: Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 Las Vegas: The Good, The Bad and The Weird The Good The Boxing I mean, just obvious this one. Talked about throughout my other posts. Sustenance. The Weather English people love a moan about the weather, “Oh I like it hot but not this hot. This is too hot.” Stay in England then, and have the weather you deserve. I like it 30-40 degrees and in a country which is actually set up to cater for it. I'd probably pick Greece over the USA though. Maybe. I haven't thought that through. I loved going for little walks in the heat. Flying Virgin Atlantic They’re just really good. Way better than Delta, which I know is a low bar, and I'm aware Branson is single handedly buying out the NHS. Whatever, I'll take my free wine as (partial) compensation. More wine Branson, you dick! Smooth Eats Their ginger shots there I’ve have unsuccessfully...

Las Vegas Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 I’m back to swears. Forewarned is forearmed. Boxing has been my staple while staying in Las Vegas. It has sustained me, given me meaning and distracted me from what Vegas appears to be. Despite all the fun I've had with the boys and things I've experienced which I wouldn't in the UK, as you've probably guessed, Las Vegas ain't somewhere I was built for. Except the weather. Man I love that heat. The guys (Josh and Asinia) had been getting up super early to do some training which sounded super good for them, but super boring for me. Despite being a boxing nut I have disabilities, and one of those is not giving a flying fuck if no punches or egg shaped balls are involved*. As well as not liking 5am. However, as my second post covered, I quite like Downtown. It’s not the strip; it’s more human. Despite that the routine of my being annoyed by Las Vegas’ traits continued, along with said annoyance being abated by the things I...

Las Vegas: First Impressions Las Vegas: Jet Lag and Downtown After what was honestly something of a disappointment that Vegas is not really for me, I felt had to move on. I'm here for two weeks. I’m aware I may have put the disappointment in slightly stronger terms in previous posts. I’d thought I might really like it, if I don’t know me by now, I never will. Which is a whole other problem I’ll deal with shortly after my last breath. So it was on, on, on to the next one. The next one happened to be boxing, fortunately. The sole reason I’d come here, which was a consolation to me. I do not box, but then neither does Conor McGregor and that’s not stopping him coming to Las Vegas on a high. I also have a scheduled spar with Hollywood Josh. Which will be fun. Hellraiser, through Mickey’s connections, are encamped at Floyd Mayweather’s gym, which is pretty obviously a centre for excellence. Sam Fleetwood had a youngster called Tyler, lovely boxer, who took on an eleven year old...

I am now unbound by writing for work. So expect more expletives, and honesty. All my own opinion, with added grumpiness. Our long walk on the day of arrival around the epicentre of the madness that is Las Vegas taught me that while the Strip is a marvel, it is not marvellous. I don’t like clubbing or shopping and it is essentially one huge hybrid of those things. However, there’s plenty more to Las Vegas than the strip. I hoped. I had to hope. I was raised Catholic, it’s all we had, and it has stuck. Before I could explore beyond gaudy ground zero, though, I had to contend with a sore throat and a general overwhelming feeling of lethargy. I've never travelled 8 hours (and arguably 40 years) into the past before. We went to the gym we’d wandered into on the Thursday evening on Friday, and beforehand got some breakfast at a diner/ burger type place. I had already worked out that eating was going to be a problem for two reasons. Firstly, I have lost a stone and a half late...

This was initially written for work, but for reasons which will become obvious, is now going out on my site instead. I’ve been to America before, twice. Once was a 6000 mile road trip round the south eastern states; it was amazing for many reasons. That I don’t drive was just one of them. New York in my early teens was fun, but New York is a lot like London, where I grew up. It was safe to say I had never been somewhere in America I have despised. Las Vegas is totally new to me though and the Hellraiser annual Las Vegas “sparring party” has been going out with Mickey Helliet since 2010. Mickey has been going since long before then, and has attended big fights out here. Sadly that’s not an option this time, but it offers a unique opportunity to both the boxers who benefit from sparring at Floyd Mayweather’s gym, and me, as a writer and boxing fan. I was extremely excited to be coming out here.